


You're McFreakin' Kidding Me

by innersanctuaries



Series: NaNoWriMo Short Fics [12]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-13
Updated: 2017-11-13
Packaged: 2019-02-01 17:57:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12710013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/innersanctuaries/pseuds/innersanctuaries
Summary: Just how many fast food places can you get kicked out of?





	You're McFreakin' Kidding Me

**Author's Note:**

> It's almost midnight lads, I'm exhausted and don't know how I finished this on time. I hope you guys enjoy this!
> 
> Inspo Song is the sound of my internal screaming while trying to make sure I got this done and posted today.

“Is there really nowhere else to stop and eat?”

 

 It had been a long drive, it was still a long drive. At four in the morning, he and Dean were only halfway to their destination. He was grumpy as hell, being stuck in the car for the past eight hours. Dean was grumpy, or rather, he was hangry. That was how they found themselves heading towards a McDonald’s.

 

“Nobody else is open at  _ four in the morning _ , Sam.” Dean snapped.

 

 “Well, apparently they aren’t either.”

 

 Sometimes they forgot that not all of the franchises were open twenty-four hours a day. Groaning, Dean parked and sat in silence for a bit. Sam could almost hear his blood boiling, and he could quite literally hear his stomach growling.

 

“This is the only goddamn place I’ve seen with food for  _ miles. _ What the hell are we supposed to do now?”

 

 “I don’t know, keep driving?”

 

“Or, I could take you two somewhere!”

 

 Dean jumped about seven miles up out of his seat, while Sam just let out an  _ oof!  _ at Gabriel appearing and landing right into his lap. He gave Sam a wet smack on the cheek, and Sam had to keep himself from giving Gabriel a smack of his own. One with the back of his hand, of course.

 

“Hey there, Sammy. How’ve you been, sweets?”

 

“First off, why the hell are you here?”

 

   The angel threw his arms around Sam’s neck, cuddling right up to him. All Sam could do was sit and hope that Gabriel couldn’t hear just how hard his heart was beating. From the look on his face, he could definitely tell, but Gabriel didn’t say a word about it.

 

“I’m here to get you food and get you outta the car, moron. But if you’re going to be a dick about it, I’ll gladly turn you into a squirrel instead. I mean, we all know that you have an affinity for nuts, if you know what I mean.” Gabriel said with a wink. Sam had to physically hold a beet red Dean back to keep him from killing anyone.

 

“You’re a fucking asshole.”

 

“The only person fucking assholes is little Cassie.”

 

 This was such a difficult conversation to be in, because he was supposed to hate Gabriel, he really was. But he didn’t, and he was sitting here trying his damn hardest not to lose his shit. Gabriel was making all the jokes he’d been sitting on for the past eight years, and hearing them out loud was letting him realize just how hilarious he was inside of his head. 

 

 “Ooookay, let’s cool down for a while,” He got a pout from Gabriel and a death glare from Dean. Sam wasn’t sure which one he preferred. Ignoring Dean as best he could, he directed himself at the archangel. “You said something about food. Elaborate.”

 

“I can teleport you guys somewhere near here that’s got food if you want. Of course, I’d need an apology from a certain douchebag…”

 

 “Where were you thinking?”

 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Dean stopped him. “You’re not actually considering this, are you?”

 

 “Uh, yeah? We’re hungry, and unless you want to be driving for the next three hours to the next town, he’s our only option right now.”

 

 All three of them knew he was right, earning a smug smile from Gabriel and a clenched jaw paired with crossed arms from Dean. “Fine. Sorry for being a dick. Take us to food.”

 

“Alright!” Gabriel said, clapping his hands together. “Where do you guys want to go for now?”

 

 “Not my favorite, but fast food sounds okay right now. Probably the only thing that’s open right now, too.”

 

“I don’t care where it is as long as the food is edible and not green.”

 

“Pretty sure that if it’s green, it’s not edible.” Sam groaned. He should have known better than to let the two unhealthiest people in the universe choose where they ate.

 

 “I don’t get how you both haven’t keeled over dead yet, based entirely on your diets.”

 

“Dude, you watched me die a hundred times.” Both of them glared over at Gabriel.

 

“I got shanked by my brother, so I’m in the ‘lookie here, I didn’t actually die!’ club too.”

 

 “Don’t give me that, you both know exactly what I mean,” The shit-eating grins he was getting earned both of them his best bitchface. “Someone just decide where we’re going, I’m hungry as hell.”

 

“I’m looking to make sure I’m not banned from any of the places right now.”

 

“Why the hell would you be banned from them?”

 

 Gabriel suddenly looked sheepish, a nervous smile on his face. “I’m kinda banned from two McDonald’s, ten Dairy Queens, and six 7/11’s in this state alone. This McDonald’s is one of ‘em.”

 

 “Of course you are. What for?”

 

“Well, with good ol’ Mickey D’s here, I drank ketchup straight from the machine. The other one I drank all of every type of soda they had in the machines. Interesting experiences.”

 

  Dean looked impressed, the exact opposite of Sam, who sat there staring at the angel in horror.

 

“Then with Dairy Queen I hopped the counter and ate the ice cream from the machine. I smashed the cameras and the employees ended up cheering me on to see how much I could down. The answer is a lot. I can eat a lot of ice cream.”

 

 “You’re joking.”

 

“Why would I joke about that? Anyway, the seven elevens I also drank the slurpees from the machine.”

 

“You said six seven elevens, right?” Dean asked.

 

 “Gabriel, you’re insane. All of them in this state?”

 

“Yeah, six. How come?”

 

“Why not seven seven elevens?”

 

 At seeing Gabriel’s face light up, Sam groaned. “Dean, don’t encourage him!”

 

“Boys, we’ve made a decision!” Gabriel hugged them both tightly. “Time to go get banned from my seventh seven eleven!”

 

 Before he could blink, Sam was standing in front of a slurpee machine. Turning to look around, he realized that this was possibly the biggest 7/11 he’d ever been in. And as someone who grew up mostly on the road, he’d been in a  _ lot.  _ Gabriel flounced up to him excitedly and linked arms with him, beginning to drag Sam along with him.

 

 “Hey!”

 

“C’mon, Sammy! Let’s get ourselves kicked outta here, why don’t we?”

 

 “I can write you a novel on all the reasons why this is a stupid idea.”

 

“And I wouldn’t bother reading it because I know this is a bad idea, I just don’t really give a damn,” Pulling him down, Gabriel kissed the tip of his nose. He felt his face heat again, betraying him. “Come have some fun with me.”

 

 “Stop kissing me.”

 

“You don’t want me to kiss you?” The angel quirked a brow.

 

 “Fine, let’s go do stupid shit.”

 

 It wasn’t an answer, but Gabriel went on to yank him back over to the slurpee machine. 

 

“I’m going to drink these.”

 

 “All of them.”

 

“Yeah, all of them.”

 

 “There are,” He took a moment to count the wide array of flavors. “Eight different kinds.”

 

“Yep!”

 

 “I always knew you were an idiot, but I didn’t think you were this stupid.”

 

 The only response he got was a garbled noise, probably because Gabriel was already squatting under one of the spigots and downing as much of the blue raspberry flavor as there was. 

 

“Huh. I didn’t think he was really going to do it.”

 

  Dean came over and watched, in both amazement and disgust. As for Sam, he was trying to figure out whether he should be worried about Gabriel, who was already moving on to the wild cherry, or for Dean, who was holding five hot dogs in one hand and eating two other ones whole.

 

 “Are you even human? How the hell do you manage to digest all of this.”

 

“I ‘unno.”

 

 Sighing and rolling his eyes, he walked over to grab a slurpee. They were already there, so why the hell not? 

 

 “Gabe, stop blowing the coke spigot and let me get some.”

 

“I’d rather be blowing y-”

 “Oh my god, just let me get my drink.”

 

 “Well that’s not vomit-worthy at all,” Dean made a face before turning and walking away. “Call me when we’re getting thrown out!”

 

“Hey Sammy, can I kiss you now that he’s gone?” 

 

 At that, his brain decided to short out on him. “What?”

 

“I asked if i could kiss you.”

 Sam knew he’d just told Gabriel to stop kissing him, wherever it was. He also knew that he didn’t really mean that, not in the slightest. He should have said no, he really should have, but he didn’t want to.

 

 Instead of giving an answer, he leaned down and pressed his lips to Gabriel’s. His lips were cold and sweet, smiling into the kiss. Sam wasn’t sure how long they were there like that, all he knew was that he was interrupted by the feel of his shoes going cold and squishy.

 

 “Wh-”

 

“Oh shit.”

 

 They’d both been a bit caught up in the moment, so much so that Gabriel hadn’t even noticed that he was holding down the handle to the slurpee spigot. As a result, the entire floor by them was covered in icy coca cola. 

 

“What the hell are you guys doing?! Get the hell out of here!!” 

 

 “Oh shit again. Run!”

 

“It’s time to go, Dean-o!”

 

 Sam grabbed Gabriel by the shirt collar and ran, ignoring the indignant yelp. They were being chased down by an angry woman wielding a shovel for some unknown reason. All they knew was that shovels hurt, and they weren’t at all ready for that.

 

 “Can’t you just fly us into the car?!”

 

 He was sitting in the car next to Dean, Gabriel sitting in Sam’s lap.

 

“Turn on the car, go, go, GO!”

 

“Is she going to hit Baby?” At the mere thought of it, Dean started moving faster than ever before.

 

“If you don’t get us the hell out of here, she will be hitting your precious car. Now  _ go!” _

 

 The only thing that was hit was the gas,leaving an angry woman and her shovel behind. 

 

 “We just got kicked out of a damn seven eleven.”

 

“I just got kicked out of my seventh seven eleven!" Gabriel crowed.

 

“I just got to eat seven hot dogs.” Dean said, sounding all too proud of himself. 

 

 “I finally got to kiss my fucking angel.”

 

 Every eye in the car turned to him. 

 

“We should do that again sometime soon.” Gabriel purred.

 

“If you guys don’t quit grossing me out, I’m kicking you both out.”

  
 As Sam fell asleep in the car, he decided that if this was how he would make progress with Gabriel, then maybe he should get kicked out of places a bit more often. 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm goin to bed, y'all. I hope you guys enjoyed it! Please comment feedback, it helps keep me motivated and helps me know what you guys do and don't like!
> 
> Follow me on Instagram at @archangelica_angelica or on tumblr at innersanctuaries if you want to get in touch or just to watch me shitpost!


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